I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
