Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would ride that face into the sunset
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
