wat bout pragnant strippers??
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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