Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
