i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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