ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
