That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You smell like stripper and shame
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
