in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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