There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Houston, we have a blender
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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