Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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