If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
