Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
