The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
