what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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