im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
