I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
