i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
