So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
