just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
