currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
