I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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