Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
