i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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