Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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