the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
