If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
