I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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