I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
