Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
