Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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