8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I love having hate sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
