I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
