that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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