She said her name was "party"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
