your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
