the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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