She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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