Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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