Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
NoShamevember. You game?
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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