FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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