There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
