my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
