You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
