Pappa wants mamma naked
one two three fourrrrnication!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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