i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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