She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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