News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
