I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
