So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
