Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
