hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
