He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
