Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
