sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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