he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
